What's wrong with Vatican?!

What do you think of the change? Do you think the Catholic Church has changed for good? Read on............

The Vatican (Digital Dementia News Services) - The Holy Roman Catholic Church announced sweeping new changes to its rituals and traditions. The newly announced revisions were met with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, a favored response among conservative religious cognoscenti.

The changes are said to be necessary to keep the church current and viable with its congregations in the 21st century. Critics say the changes are just cheap marketing ploys intended to stem the precipitous drop in church membership.

Many of the changes are anathema to die-hard conservatives within the church and come as a total shock to those who expected Pope Benedict’s papacy to uphold conservative values and preserve church traditions.

Perhaps most shocking among the sweeping changes is the substitution of beer in place of the traditional wine in the church services. No particular brand of beer has yet been formally sanctioned for use in the Catholic mass. Insiders speculate that the choice of beer will be left to individuals and that lite beers may also be acceptable.

Another revision to church rites that has raised many eyebrows is the development of alternative forms of the basic Catholic service the “holy mass.” Some forty years ago the Roman Catholic Church abandoned the tradition of holding all church services in old Latin, allowing services to be held in all modern languages according to the linguistic needs of the local congregation. The new proposal is intended to “spice up” the mass services by allowing a variety of alternative presentational themes and styles designed to appeal to local markets. A “country & western” mass has been developed for use in the American southwest and a “rapper” version of the mass has been developed for use in some inner city parishes.

Cardinal Sin of the Philippines commented that, “The Roman Catholic Church is not going to allow itself to be left behind and has to adapt itself to modern ways.” Cardinal Sin was one of the prime movers in the Catholic Church’s adoption of digital age technology and was the first to embrace on-line Confessional Chat Rooms in place of the traditional in-church confessional boxes.

Catholic churches will also be encouraged to offer other commercial services in addition to their traditional offerings. Some congregations have already begun offering automotive services. The Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Escondido, California promises “oil & filter changes and engine tune-up while you pray.” Other churches are making plans for in-chapel Starbucks and other conveniences.

The sweeping controversial changes are said to have been approved by Pope Benedict and to be fully supported by the Cardinals.

A spokesman for the St. Louis Cardinals said the baseball team and its management had no comment on the matter.